Something as insignificant
by My Other Side
Summary: There was a sickening tone in his voice, almost a caress. “You are mad,” she whispered, as though she herself could hardly believe it. “You are a madman! The Vice President of the United States of America is a madman!" COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Never will. Although, if they're not going to continue it anyway, they are welcome to give it to me. It's not like they still need it. Unless … forces self to stop wishful thinking

A/N: Warning! This fic contains all the writing-sins that could possibly be committed. It was written late at night, it is un-betaed and the authoress confesses to be a non-native speaker. Please don't kill me for my laziness, simply send me some flames, it's getting pretty cold anyway.

Now, I have no idea how this disturbing scene found its way to my sick and twisted mind, but here it is, and if it is not appropriate for please tell me so and I will take it down immediately.

I would also like to emphasize that I do in no way think the things described in this fic are in any way funny or harmless. They are not, they are serious and horrible, and I do not wish to offend anyone who might have suffered through a similar situation. It was originally meant as a sort of character-study, but the characters and the study got lost somewhere along the way as I did my best at my first attempt at angsty stuff. Sorry.

And now, _in medias res:_

One person after another left the Oval Office until only President Allen and her Vice President remained. The door closed, no one had really paid attention to Warren Keaton's staying. Not even the President. She was already seated behind her enormous desk, engulfed in whatever kind of paperwork Presidents were usually flooded by. She work with concentration, her brows furrowed, her reading glasses slowly sliding down her nose. She pushed them back up and turned back to work without another glance at her luxurious office; at the dark, shimmering wooden panels, the furniture or the thick carpet that swallowed the steps of the Vice President as he walked up behind her. She did not even notice the little blinking dictating machine someone had forgotten on the edge of her desk. Only when she felt something cold and sharp against her throat did she look up.

"Really funny, Warren, now take that thing down before I have to call the Service", she tried to joke even though she was anything but amused.

What startled her was the icy tone of his reply.  
"I don't think so … you know, Madame President, this shiny little thing is not nearly as close to you as it could be. I think you will remain nice and calm. And _silent._"

Mackenzie shivered. This was beginning to be creepy. "What do you want, Warren? More money? More free time? Because if it's that, all you would have to do is ask me. There's no need to put a knife to my throat, you know. Now take it away."

He chuckled. "You don't get it, do you? This time, you are not the one in charge. This time, it's me … and you will do exactly as I tell you, or there will be a real mess, and the carpet would be ruined forever. We can't have that, can we?"

He was serious … here he stood, and threatened her, the President of the United States, right in the Oval Office …

"Warren, listen to me. Stop this before you get in more trouble than absolutely necessary."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," he said leisurely, while he pressed the blade closer, thus forcing her to stand, "I don't think you will tell anybody about our little secret …"

He was standing directly behind her now, she could feel his breath on her neck, and a wave of fear washed over her. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe, she had to remain calm, she had to …

"This is ridiculous. There is no way you are going to get away with this."

He did not seem to listen, his free hand was slowly wandering around her waist, across her stomach and up to her breast. She stiffened as realisation dawned.

"You are going way too far. Take your hand off me or I'll scream." She hoped he had not noticed the quiver in her voice.

His only answer was a squeeze with his hand and increasing pressure on the knife.  
"You won't …"  
There was a sickening tone in his voice, almost a caress. It made Mackenzie's hackles rise.

"You are mad …", she whispered, as though she herself could hardly believe it. "You are a madman … the Vice President of the United States of America is a madman …"

Again, silent laughter, she could feel his chest moving against her back. She longed to get away from him, but she dared not move …

"No, I am not mad … I simply feel the maddening urge to shag the most powerful woman in the world … whether she wants to or not …"

And with that, he made her turn around to face him. The knife was still where it had been before. For a short moment, the thought that to hold it like that had to be awfully uncomfortable made its way to Mackenzie's fear-clouded mind. It was gone in a heartbeat when he lowered his head and breathed deeply … "Hmmm, the scent of fear …" He looked back up at her.  
"Ironic, isn't it? There you are, President of the United States, head of the executive branch of the American government, commander-in-chief of one of the most powerful armies in the world, and yet you cannot make a single move because of a small, shining piece of metal. How does that feel?" He pressed his legs against hers, "Humiliating?", he hissed. "Or perhaps … frightening beyond belief?" He used the blade to force her head as far back as possible and began to bite her now-exposed throat.

Mackenzie closed her eyes. If she could not see him, he was not really there. It was only a dream. The hand that was wandering up her leg was not real, nor was his disgusting breath next to her ear … she suppressed a sob.

"Tell me …have you done this with your husband? Has he taken you here, to show you he is still is stronger than you?"

It seemed like an eternity until the words finally left her mouth. She barely recognised her own voice as she croaked "Rod loves me, he would never …"

"Of course", Keaton interrupted smoothly, "of course he loves Mackenzie Allen, the President of the United States. He would be a fool if he didn't … but does he really love _you_? The woman who sent him into a pink office and told him to discuss the meals while she went and ruled the world?"

Mackenzie wanted to tell him that he was lying, that Rod loved her and her alone, despite everything that might have been, but no words came.

Keaton laughed again. Why did he have to keep laughing at her? It seemed that he had heard her thoughts, for all of a sudden he turned dead-serious.

"Open those buttons", he spat. She shook her head, too petrified to move. Pain shot through her as he pressed the knife even closer. "Open them! Now!", he hissed through clenched teeth.  
She slowly raised her hands and began to undo the top buttons, but they kept slipping from her shaking fingers. She could feel him smirk, it burned her skin. Now. She quickly grabbed the arm that held the blasted knife and tried to pull it away.

No use. He was faster. Stronger. She had no chance. He simply threw her back against the edge of the desk and slapped her. He gave her no second chance to raise her hands. The blade still firmly in its place, his free hand began to make its way up her thigh again.

She tried to turn her head away and squirm. "No! Don't!" No reaction. "Stop it …please …"

There, chuckling again. "Oh, _please_ it is now? It won't help you …"

Ignoring her continuing pleads, he opened his trousers, shoved her skirt up and forced his way into her.

"Hush now", he whispered while he moved. "You don't want anyone to know. Just imagine your husband found out … he would never look at you again … he would always think of another man touching you … and your children … they wouldn't want to be in the same room with you … your whole family would hate you for betraying them … for being weak …"

He continued like this for about another five minutes, minutes Mackenzie spent telling herself that this could not be true, that she was lying in bed, next to her husband, dreaming, and that in a moment she would wake up, and he would hold her and tell her that nothing had happened. Nothing at all.

After what seemed like an eternity, he let go of her. Sweat was glistening on his face, and he was panting. She managed to hold on to the edge of her desk, barely able to keep standing.

"Remember", he wheezed while stuffing his shirt back in his trousers, not a word to anyone. And if you try to get rid of me …" he shot her his nastiest grin yet, "I suppose every newspaper in the country will be more than interested in the heated affair we have had for the last few months … and in the shape of that adorable little birthmark on your left breast …"

Mackenzie knew it did not matter that this birthmark did not exist. It would be impossible to prove Keaton was lying.

When the Vice President finally left the Oval Office, the President of the United States of America, Commander-in-chief and the most powerful woman in the world sank to the ground and began to sob uncontrollably, her tears soon mingling with the thin trickle of blood running down her neck, coming from the small cut something as insignificant as a sharpened piece of steel had caused.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I originally had no intention to continue this. But apparently I couldn't resist. Bear with me.

xoxoxox

Rod was in a mood so good that it was almost terrifying. He whistled while he walked into the Outer Office, his hands in the pockets of his suit and a light-hearted skip to his steps. The day had gone well for a change; no terrorist threats, no scandals and no trouble with the kids. It almost seemed too good to last.

"Evening Vince, is the President done for today?" Vince looked up from his files and smiled in greeting. "I believe so, Sir. Her staff meeting ended about an hour ago, and she must have had a short conversation with Vice President Keaton afterwards. Must have gone well, Keaton was almost skipping when he came out. She ought to be in a good mood." Rod straightened his tie and smiled to himself. "Very well, Vince. I think she ought to call it a day, I'll take her up to the Residence with me." He walked towards the door and opened it slowly, the anticipating smile still plastered onto his face; it had been too long since she had been in a good mood …

xoxox

Crying, crying like there was no tomorrow, as though the tears could wash away his touch. For some time, Mackenzie let herself fall into the delusion. As long as she wept, she did not have to think, she did not have to remember. But slowly, the thoughts began to creep back into her mind. _"… Just imagine your husband found out …"_

She attempted to shut them out, but they came back, louder, always louder, until she could hear them echo from her very skull. _"… he would never look at you again … they would hate you for betraying them … for being weak …"_

Rod … Rod … he mustn't find out, not ever! She had to pretend nothing had happened, she had to be strong. Rod would hate her if he ever knew … it was all her fault … she had not fought enough, she had not screamed for help, she had not done enough. She deserved no pity, not even her own. She had to hide her tears from Rod, he would know if he saw them, and he would leave her, he would leave her alone with _him_.

Mackenzie pulled herself back up to her feet and staggered towards her bathroom to get rid of the evidence of her weakness. When she came back, she opened her files and began to read through them feverishly, faster, faster, until the words threatened to become a blurry line, faster, so that she did not have the time to think, so that she did not have the time to remember.


	3. Chapter 3

After an eternity, the door opened. Mackenzie stiffened, her hand wandered towards the panic button; had he come back? She could not look up, she did not want to see him, so she let her hair fall into her face and closed her eyes. "Mac, honey, Vince told me you were done for the day. Why don't you have dinner with the family for a change? Chances are good even the kids will behave themselves!"

It was Rod. Rod, who knew nothing, and who could not ever know anything. She looked up and forced herself to smile. "That's wonderful. I'll be done in a second, just let me put these files away." The way he looked at her … did he know? Had Keaton told him everything in order to destroy her even further? Had he just put up a mask of good humour to lure her into a feeling of safety and then turn away from her to punish her for her betrayal?

xoxoxox

She seemed extremely busy, reading a file with enormous speed and not even looking up when the door opened. For a moment, Rod began to smile; how very much like Mac to forget the world while she was running it! But then he stopped short; she had gone completely stiff, almost like a rabbit that hoped the eagle would not see it. Something was wrong. Very wrong. But this was not the place to find out what it was. So he did his best at attempting a light-hearted tone as he addressed her: "Mac, honey, Vince told me you were done for the day. Why don't you have dinner with the family for a change? Chances are good even the kids will behave themselves!" Rod realised she had not known it was him; upon hearing his voice she almost broke down with relief. What the hell had happened today? She finally looked up, and what he saw scared him: one of the most forced smiles in the history of politics, a grimace that was probably supposed to be a light-hearted face, and something else, a dark something that was lurking beneath the surface of her eyes. "That's wonderful. I'll be done in a second, just let me put these files away." She obviously did not want to tell him, she wanted to pretend everything was fine. Who did she think she was kidding? But he would not force her. He would coax the secret out of her, later, when they were finally alone …

She stood up and came towards him. He bent forwards to kiss her as usual, but she turned her head so that he only brushed her cheek. Again, she had stiffened. But a moment later she looked back up at him, the fake smile back on the edges of her mouth. "I'm starving. Let's get going!" And she pulled him out of the Oval as though the place were on fire. Rod followed her, mentally shaking his head.

Back in the Office, Vince arranged the files for the next day on the President's desk and frowned when he found a recording dictating machine on it. The President had given an interview earlier that day, and the reporter had, for reasons beyond human comprehension, forgotten to take his device with him. Vince shrugged, turned it off and put it in his pocket, silently reminding himself to give it to Kelly before he left.


	4. Chapter 4

Dinner had, to put it carefully, been strange. Mac had attempted pull off quite a show, chattering away about files, staffers and congressmen who had – once again – proved to have a memory from twelve 'till midday. When she had – for the third time – complained about Congresswoman Hutstander not sticking to her vote (which had been two weeks ago), Amy had finally interrupted her. "You already said that, mommy." Mac snapped out of her rant and looked from one bored face to the next. "Did I?"

"Actually, mom, you already said it twice."

"Oh."

They had continued the meal in silence, but Rod could not help noticing that Mac was only picking at her food, all the while looking up at him with that new unreadable expression of hers.

Now he was lying in bed, waiting for Mac who was still in the bathroom. She had not said a single word after dinner, and instead of staring at him in an unnerving manner, she had now resorted to the tactic of avoiding his gaze completely. When she came out to get her PJ's, still without looking at him, he decided that it might be best to just throw the questions her way. Maybe he could surprise her and gather some clues out of her reaction.

"What's wrong, Mac?" She flinched.

"Nothing's wrong. Whatever makes you think something's wrong?"

"Oh, I don't know. I can't really decide whether it's the staring you've been doing at dinner, or the avoiding you're doing now. Or wait, maybe it was the fact that you just talked without caring about what you said, which is something that you _never ever _do!"

She turned around, her mouth pressed into a thin, angry line and her whole body shaking with what seemed to be hardly suppressed rage.

"Right. So now I have problems just because I repeat things that upset me! You know how important Hutstander's vote was for us!"

Rod sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Mac. I know that you were upset by that, but it was like two weeks ago. Please, don't tell me you've been brooding until now."

"Fine. If you don't believe me, that's just _fine_ with me."

"What do you mean, not believe you? Dammit, Mac, a blind cripple could see that something is wrong! Why won't you tell me?"

"_Because, _Rod, _there is nothing to tell!_ Do you want me to write it down for you? I. Am. Bloody. Fine!"

And she went back into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Fine!" , he yelled. "Fine, if you want to run away, that's fine! After all, who am I to be worried about you?"

The only answer he got was the running shower.

xoxoxox

The water was hot. Steaming. It almost felt as if her skin would peel off any second, and yet she could not stop shaking, she could not feel anything on her but slimy hands and accusing eyes.

She turned the heat as far up as it would go, and gasping, she reached for a washcloth.

Scrubbing. She would scrub him off of her. She would scrub him off and never think of him again. She would never have to lie again, and Rod would never shout at her again.

Her eyes watered with pain as she scrubbed away furiously, but it was no use. Ghost hands were still touching her, and his voice was still whispering.

"… _not a word to anyone …"_

She ended up scraping her skin with her fingernails, hoping that the combination of pain and almost unbearable heat would drown the echo of his touch.

At least for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Sorry for the kinda non-existent length of the chapters.

xoxox

The end of a briefing was always a relief. No matter how often she had done it, she always felt like a kid in front of a jury once the questions started. Sometimes she was prepared, sometimes she wasn't. Today had gone well; there had been no nasty surprises and no questions that should rather remain unanswered. She was really looking forward to marking this day in her calendar, with a little yellow smiley, to remind herself that there were indeed days when she did not have to say "no comment" or "the White House doesn't comment on rumours".

Only one thing left to do.

"Hey, Charlie!"

He turned around, looking rather puzzled. "Yeah?"

"You forgot this yesterday!"

She whipped the dictating machine out of her pocket. "Really, where did you leave your head? You've been nagging me for weeks, what do I say, for months, about an interview with the President, and when you get it, you forget your notes or whatever you guys call them nowadays."

"Notes is fine. Thanks, Kelly. I hadn't even noticed. I wrote most of the stuff I already have from memory."

"Well, I'd listen to it again if I were you, because if I find one single misquote, I shall come after you and maim you in the most brutal and gory way possible."

"Don't worry, fair lady, I shall soak up every word that has been said."

And with a wink and a grin, he went back to his desk.

Yes, the end was definitely the best thing about a press briefing.


	6. Chapter 6

Voices droned on around her, but only bits and pieces actually reached her. Her mind was too busy being completely blank to occupy itself with anything like National Security. Deep down she knew she should listen, but that would mean leaving the cold, dark void she had found inside herself last night, the only place where absolutely nothing could reach her.

"Ma'am?"

She started, blinked at the daylight she had only just noticed and looked from one face to the next. They looked back at her with carefully controlled expressions, as always.

"Yes, Jim, what is it?"

"We're done, Ma'am. Is there anything else?"

She looked at him for a few seconds and finally shook her head.

And while she slowly sank back into the darkness, she heard her own voice from far, far away.

"Thank you, Jim. That is all.

xoxoxox

A peaceful cup of coffee was Jim's usual reward for sitting through the Security Briefing like a good boy, and while he poured it, he could not help but to think that he had really earned it today.

The Chiefs had been at each others' throats again, over something trivial he did not really care to know about. The President had made use of her unspoken right to blend out of the meeting – there would always be someone who could give her a quick briefing should anything that was said turn out to be important. Not that that was very likely, Jim thought wryly.

But today her absent-mindedness had had a different quality. It had not been the usual, well-disguised boredom, the silent musing about other, more fascinating things (like the question what there would be for lunch). It was as though she had been dead-asleep with her eyes open, and when he had addressed her directly, it was as though she had been woken by the alarm clock – abrupt and suddenly.

That kind of behaviour was completely unlike her. And Jim was dying to find the reason.


	7. Chapter 7

Nora turned into more of a talking – what was he saying, a babbling! – shadow every day, and every day he was closer to hitting her on the head with her huge, heavy folder full of nothing. Hard.

But today he was too busy being angry at Mac to be bothered by Nora fussing about flowers, plates and whatnot.  
Did she not realise he was hurt by her lack of trust? That he wanted to be there for her, to hold her, to have her back, as always?  
She _had_ to know how he felt – and yet she pushed him away.

"… and for the State Dinner with the French, I suggest an arrangement of yellow roses and fleur-de-lys, that's always popular with the French…"

Fine. If she did not want to talk to him, he would certainly not force her.

"… and the Meissener china …"

But he wouldn't keep listening to Nora for much longer either.

And while the Mistress of Distress ranted about how no one ever listened to her, Rod fought an inner battle. Keep walking around the East Wing with Nora or escape her using the excuse of a quick visit to his wife's office?

When Nora opened her folder to ask him which tablecloth he preferred, Rod decided to send his pride to the devil and make a beeline for the Oval. If Mac didn't want to talk, that was fine. Who said she had to talk?

But as he stood in the door and looked at her, his determination crumbled. She seemed so reclusive, so completely oblivious of everything around her. After several minutes of just looking at her, he cleared his throat and caught her eye. But only for a moment. She had looked away. Again.

Rod's face hardened, and he turned and left. If she did not want to see him, that was fine. He didn't have time anyway. Nora and the tablecloths were waiting.

xoxoxox

He knew. She could tell by the way he had looked at her that he knew. He couldn't stand the sight of her, and she didn't blame him. She couldn't stand it either.


	8. Chapter 8

"Oy, Rod!"

Rod turned around and found Jim Gardner coming out of the little kitchenette the West Wing staff usually took their coffee breaks in. He forced himself to grin.

"Hey Jim!"

Jim grinned back, carefully ignoring the forced politeness in Rod's voice, and came straight to the point.

"Um, Rod, I have been wondering, you do not by any chance know what's bothering your wife, right?"

"Right. I have no idea. Any specific reason why you're asking?" He made a point out of looking busy, browsing through a folder Nora had handed him last-second. There was no way in heaven or hell that he would let Gardner of all people see how much it bothered him that his wife was bothered.

"Oh, it's just that she seemed pretty distracted during the Security Briefing."

"Jim, _everybody_ is distracted during a Security Briefing."

"I know, I know. But I mean, like, _really _distracted, as though she were, I don't know, sleeping, or in a trance, rather. She looked totally shocked when I talked to her. It was as if she hadn't realised any of us were there."

"Well, we did have an argument last night. She was acting weird and I got angry because she refused to tell me why." It was out before he could do anything against it. Damn. He'd had no intention to fill Jim in on that. But it would eat him alive if he didn't talk about it, and it was not like _he_ had come to _Jim_. He was the one who answered the questions.

"Maybe she's upset about that."

"Maybe."

And Rod remembered the distinct impression of betrayed trust in her eyes. Right before she had looked away.


	9. Chapter 9

Warren Keaton was a man of the military. And being that, there were many things he strongly believed in. Discipline. Patriotism. And, above all, the chain of command. To him, it was as unchanging as the nature of war. Almost like a physical law. The Commander in Chief was only one step short of God in his authority. Yes, _his_ authority.

Warren Keaton was a man of principle, and he would not stand by and watch a physical law being violated.

There was no way that a woman could be Commander in Chief, no matter how brilliant she was. A woman did not understand the nature of war, the necessity to protect – apart from the life and wellbeing of the nation - its pride.

He had taken the first steps to show her where her real place in the chain of command was. It had been a success, and more steps would follow.

He did not do it because he wanted anything for himself, he thought while he touched the bloodstained blade of his little knife. He did it to protect the country. He did it because he could not stand to take orders from a woman. Not even this woman. Especially not this woman.

And once he was done, the chain of command would be back to its natural state.


	10. Chapter 10

Why was it that the more you wanted an event to be over, the longer it took? Rod could for the life of him not remember where he had been tonight. Sure, Nora had told him over and over again, but did she really expect him to remember whether he was talking to "The Society for the Preservation of the Bison" or the "National Rose Convention"? Come on!

He hadn't enjoyed the evening at all, not even the food. Had just rattled through his speech (Nora had shown him a list of the mistakes he'd made afterwards. It had been pretty long, considering he had talked for only five minutes.), grinned while unimportant and, what was worse, boring people made one-sided small-talk, and thought about his conversation with Jim.

Was it really the argument Mac had been upset about? He had refused to believe it at first – Mac was a strong, grown-up woman! She would not sulk because of some stupid fight.

But she had already been bothered in the first place – and instead of holding her and telling her that it would be alright, he had just made it worse. And for what? For nothing except for his stupid pride. But he was determined to make up for it tonight.

xoxoxox

She was already asleep when came home. Rod grinned. This wake-up call was bound to be more pleasant than the one Jim had described.

He undid his tie and crawled into bed.  
She did not look her usual self at all. Usually, her face relaxed when she was asleep – even when it was only then. But tonight, her features were grim, tense. Rod felt another twinge of guilt.

He leaned forwards and kissed her neck, the way she usually loved it. She flinched and tensed. Had he really hurt her that much?

"Shhh, it's ok, kiddo. It's ok. Time to make up."

He continued to bite her neck, but suddenly she shot up, hit him 'round the head with her pillow and jumped, jumped out of bed and as far away from him as she could.

She was trembling.

"Mac, what's up? I said I was sorry. See? I'm not mad at you."

He came towards he with his arms spread as though he were approaching a scared, wounded animal. She stepped back as far as she could until she finally hit the wall.

"Don't you come near me. Don't you _dare_ touch me again."

He stopped, completely puzzled.

"I only wanted …"

For some reason, this comment made Mac lose it completely.

"Shut up! SHUT UP!"

She was screaming. Mackenzie Allen never _ever_ raised her voice. Something was very, very wrong. Rod took another step towards her and was only narrowly missed by a shoe that came flying his way.

"Keep the hell away from me or I'll have you arrested!"

He stopped again.

"Mackenzie, are you insane?"

She didn't reply, and the frantic way in which her eyes were darting to and fro made him think that that might very well be the case.

"Seriously, Mac. There's no point running away any more. What's wrong?"

He had thought that she had gotten completely hysterical when she had started shouting at him. What he saw now could only be described as the total breakdown.  
She sank to the ground, her whole body shaken with heart wrenching sobs.

"You know! You know what's _wrong_, Rod! Isn't that why you can't stand looking at me?"

"Now wait a minute, Mrs Allen! If there is someone who won't look the other in the eye, it's you!"

This was not at all going as planned. Instead of moaning in pleasure, his wife was nearly suffocating from her tears. And he was losing his temper. Again.

"Stop it already, Rod! I know that you know! Why don't you just tell me how much you hate me and how disgusted you are?"

Rod decided to make one last attempt at consoling his wife. He carefully came closer and knelt down next to her. She didn't even notice until he put his hand on her shoulder.

After tensing for a few moments, she reluctantly relaxed, and he seized his chance and pulled her into an embrace, all the while making soothing noises, just as though she were Amy awaking from a nightmare.

He kissed her forehead and whispered into her hair.

"It's ok, kiddo. I don't hate you. I never could."

xoxoxoxoxoxox

And while she sobbed into her husbands arms, still completely shaken by the momentary thought that Keaton had come back for her, and slowly realising that Rod did indeed not know anything, she could not help but to whisper "You will once you find out."

She felt him shaking his head, and it was in her head rather than with her ears that she heard him reply.

_"Never!"_


	11. Chapter 11

Charlie was not easily shocked. It was something that came naturally after years of being a White House reporter. He had seen "intern incidents", wars and various staff-scandals. And he had learned that there was always something to find out.

And so, while he checked his article on the exclusive with the President for misquotes, he let the tape run on. It was boring; just a normal, boring meeting on a normal, boring day. He was glad when it was finally over. What a waste of electric power. He finished polishing his article and reached over to turn the tape off, but suddenly froze in mid-movement. There was more. The President and her VP. Alone.

He listened for five more minutes. But when the President started to sob and to beg, he turned it off.

He had to call his editor and tell him to stop the presses. And then he had to find Kelly. And another colleague, a freshman, to actually write the goddamn article.

Listening to the President of the United States being raped in her own office was more than even a White House reporter could stomach.

xoxoxoxox

"Kelly!"

The Press Secretary almost jumped out of her chair. She had been dozing while she had watched the news. Nothing of any interest, only a minor scandal about some baseball player who had been accused of doping. For a moment, Charlie was tempted to grin.

"Charlie! Never scare me again!"

She tried to give him the "annoyed Press Secretary" look, but it didn't work. He remembered why he had come over.

"I can't promise you that, Kelly. In fact, I'm afraid I'll have to scare you a hell of a lot more."

"Wha-?"

Instead of answering, he dropped the tape she had given him just the day before onto her desk.

She looked at him.  
He looked back.

"Is this a joke, Charlie?"

He shook his head.  
"I'm afraid not. I'd listen to some of it if I were you. And then I'd notify the President. I already called my boss."

xoxoxoxoxox

This couldn't be true. It just couldn't. The day had started so well, and Kelly refused to accept that it was about to turn into a nightmare.

Charlie had told her that he had only been able to listen to the tape for five minutes. She wished she could just turn it off as well. Turn it off, rip it to pieces, burn it, destroy it and never think of it again. But she couldn't.  
Partly it was because for the next days and weeks, her life would be revolving around this tape. Partly it was because of the sick fascination that lived deep within every person. The same sick something that made you unable to look away after a car crash. The sick something that made you look at a horrible wound, shudder, and then look again. And partly it was disbelief. Mackenzie Allen was the very image of a strong woman. She _had_ to fight back at some point; why did she not fight back, why did nobody come in? Hell, why did she not just start laughing because it was some stupid game two secret lovers were playing? Kelly could have lived with that, could have lived with _anything _apart from what she was hearing.

The tape was approaching its end now, and only the sobs of the President where echoing through the firmly locked office, because Kelly's tears fell in silence as she thought of how she would have to look into this woman's face and tell her that she knew. And that very soon, the whole world would know.


	12. Chapter 12

There were times when Vince really hated his job. Times of crisis, when the President did not get enough sleep and loaded all her frustration and her fear onto his shoulders. And summits of course. How could he forget the summits? Running here, running there, trying to find a book that was harder to get than the Philosopher's stone, and on top of all of that organizing a decent tux.

And there were times when he loved his job. Times when the schedule actually deserved its name. Times when the most exiting thing was the President's latest "discussion" with the Speaker.

And for the last few weeks, Vince had loved his job extremely.

He realised just how very much he had loved it when he saw Kelly coming into his office.

The pleasant times were definitely over, for she had doom written all over her face.

xoxox

"Vince, I need to talk to the President."

"She's in a meeting with Templeton, Kelly. She'll have time for you in about –"

Kelly couldn't waste any time on waiting for the Speaker to be done with complaining about everything the President might or might not decide.

"I need to talk to her _now_."

xoxox

Kelly had no idea what kind of reaction she had expected from the President. Tears, maybe. Denial. Shock and a loss for words.

But certainly not the nonchalance with which she eventually gave the answer.

"Get Charlie in here. And tell Vince to get the Speaker back. I want to talk to him. And first thing tomorrow, I'm gonna have to talk to the Vice President."

"Ma'am, what about telling your family? I doubt we will be able to keep Charlie from publishing the story."

"Maybe. But we can get him to hold it back."

xoxoxoxox

The noise of the closing door behind Kelly had a sense of finality. This was it. She had no more time to lick her wounds, and she had lost every chance of pretending that nothing had ever happened. Reality had caught up with her.

Mackenzie did not want to imagine the look on Rod's face when she told him. She did not want to hear him say 'I told you so!'. She did not want to appear weak.

And because she did not want any of this, she turned her attention to areas where she could do something, _anything._ She turned to politics.

First, she had to keep the story from breaking too soon. There would surely be things she could offer this reporter.

And then, she would have to get rid of Keaton. Mackenzie hated playing dirty, but she would have to ask Templeton for help. She knew he had something on Keaton, and she would buy the information from him, even if the price should be the Vice Presidency itself. Perhaps she could send him to a country at the world's end, an ambassador on a lifelong vacation in disguise of a job. She knew she couldn't get him into prison. He would destroy her during the trial. Both politically and personally.  
Nobody would believe that he was lying. Wasn't there this old saying that where there was smoke, there had to be fire?


	13. Chapter 13

"Madame President!"

God, how he hated calling her that. Perhaps that was why he did it so often. So that he would always keep in mind how important it was to get her out of office.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company – twice in – "

He looked at his watch – "… twice in two hours?"

She smiled at him in her – no, not in her usual arrogant, pseudo-jovial and self-confident way. It was not the smile of a leader; it was the smile of a petitioner, much as she was trying to hide it.

Templeton grinned and began to relax. This should be fun, and he was determined to savour the experience to its fullest.

"Mr Speaker, I want you to give me the information on General Keaton you mentioned before his confirmation hearings."

Now that was a blow. He made a quick mental check of his facial features – good, he seemed calm and unsurprised.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, that's strictly confidential. I would feel bad if I told anyone."

"I don't think I made myself quite clear, Mr Speaker. I _need _you to give me this piece of information, and I need it soon."

He decided to allow himself a chuckle. She really was good at putting up a mask – there was only the slightest touch of desperation in her voice.  
"And why would you need such harmful information, Madame President? I seem to recall a conversation during which you were quite vocal about your determination to take the high road. Where has that determination gone?"

Good. She was getting angry. His grin grew.

"My reasons are of no concern to you, Mr Speaker. And frankly, I'm in no mood to play any games. Neither do I have time for endless negotiations, so if you could just name the price …"

"The price, Ma'am?_ I_ get to name the price? What are you trying to do? Get rid of your beloved Vice President?"

Now that was something.

"Mr Speaker, let's get to the point. Here's what I'm offering you: you give me the information I need, and I will choose my next Vice President based on your recommendations."

He actually laughed out loud at this. For the second time he was asked to help get rid of a Vice President, and for the second time he was offered the Vice Presidency in exchange.

"Deal, Madam President.", he gasped while he wiped his eyes with his huge white hankie. "But I want something else."

She frowned.

"I want to know why you're getting rid of him. I want the real reason. No matter what you're gonna tell the world, I want to know the truth."

xoxoxoxoxox

'_The truth, Nathan? There are so many versions of the truth. And they all can be hurtful in so many ways. I know why you chose the truth over the power in this deal. It gives you all the more power in the end.'_


	14. Chapter 14

Whoever said that truth hurts never had to reveal a painful truth himself. If he had, he would have said that truth was like acid, that it could tear you apart and make you wish to disappear from the face of the earth.

And once everything was said, it didn't get any better. She did not feel relieved. She felt dirty, used, weak. As though she had been raped a second time.

She desperately tried not to start crying. And the best way to do so was to get angry. She pressed her lips together and stared at Templeton in what she hoped was an unnerving and challenging way. _I dare you to say something … say a single word and I will tear you to shreds …_

But he didn't say anything. Neither did he look her in the eye. She could practically see his mind working.  
What was he thinking? Was he already planning how to use this against her? Or should he really be human enough to actually be shocked?

That would be even worse.

She did not want pity. She wanted options. She wanted to do something. But all she could do was to wait for the Speaker to make up his mind and open his mouth.

"Ma'am … I … I don't quite know what to say …"

She interrupted him in a way that would have been considered rude, had it come from any other person.

"Say nothing then. I want the information on him, and I want evidence. I want them by tomorrow morning."

He nodded, still speechless, and got up to leave the room.

When he was gone, the mask of strength and anger crumbled and she covered her face with her hands.  
This was just the beginning.  
Truth hurts, and she shuddered to think of how it would hurt not only herself but the ones who were closest to her heart.

xoxoxoxoxox

Three can keep a secret when two of them are dead. And three had long since been surpassed in this secret.  
So why was she so reluctant to fill another person in on it?

Perhaps it was because this person's reaction mattered the most to her. Perhaps it was because she could not ignore this person's feelings about it and hide behind a wall of professionalism.

Perhaps it was because she was afraid.

Afraid that it would always stand between them. That it would poison their relationship, their family, their life.  
Afraid that he might blame her.  
Even more afraid that he might pity her.

Mackenzie looked at Rod in the mirror while he was brushing his teeth and tried to find the right words.  
He gave her a toothpaste-foamy grin, and she could not help but to smile back. She could not bring herself to destroy this frail harmony they had finally found.  
Not tonight.

When he snuck his arms around her waist and directed her towards the bed, each step accentuated by a kiss, she decided to tell him the next day.  
She wanted to burn this night into her mind as the last night in which she was the only one who could see the looming shadow, the last night in which he would embrace her thinking of nothing but his love for her.


	15. Chapter 15

The old saying of the silence before the storm had once again been proven to be true.  
All night she had been lying awake, rolling from one side to the other, thinking about what she would tell Keaton, how she should tell Rod. And she had been trying to find reasons why neither could possibly end up as bad as she was imagining. She had found none.

But after a sleepless night she had stood up with resigned determination. The silver lining was that by the end of the day, it would all be said and done. She tried to ignore the huge black cloud she would have to pass before.

She had asked Rod to come to the Oval right after Keaton. Why try to escape the inevitable?

When the door finally opened, Mac felt like in one of those old Hammer horror movies. She knew the beast was waiting on the other side, and she knew there was no escaping anymore, but she desperately clung to the image of what she knew wouldn't happen – that the earth might split open and that he would be thrown down into the Hell he belonged.

With her expectations blown like this, she was almost disappointed when it was only an ordinary looking man walking in. In her mind, he had grown fangs over the last days, and in the darkness of her nightmares his eyes had been blazing red.

He did, however, bear the arrogant sneer she remembered, and the mock politeness with which he bowed made her sick.

"I serve at your pleasure, Madam President."

Bastard. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed torturing her. In any way imaginable – the subtler the better.

"I'm glad to hear that."

He sat without being asked to. She willed the smile to stay on her face.

_Don't let him get to you …nothing can happen to you … _

"So, Warren. I asked you over here today to talk about your job."

He grinned. She felt like a headmistress sitting in front of a student who didn't give a damn about what she had to say.

"Did you, Ma'am? I think I remember a little deal we made – you kick me out, I out you."

Finally. Finally they were back on safe grounds. She had something to hold against him.

"Why, Warren. Such harsh words so early in the morning. And here I was, about to offer you a job many people would give a finger for."

He chuckled.

"Ah. So now you're trying to buy your way out. But it doesn't work that way, missy."

He stood up and leaned forwards, his hands placed on her desk. It was meant as an intimidating posture, and deep down, Mackenzie had to admit that it fulfilled its purpose. She swallowed and tried to resist the almost physical urge to step back, to get away from him.

"It does, Warren. And if you can't accept this offer, I have another one for you. You out me, I out you. That's the way it works. Mutual destruction. I know that your daughter prostituted herself for drug money, I know that your grandson's father was one of her customers, and I know that drugs were the reason for the car accident she died in."

He was paling. She dug her claws into the wound she had obviously created.

"I also know that you kicked her out when she came to you and asked for help."

He was taken aback, literally, falling back into his chair as though he had been hit by a stroke.

"How … you little slut, how do you know?"

"I have my sources. And insulting me won't get you anywhere."

"What do you want?"

"I want you out of my White House. I want you to go to a place where I never have to see you again, a place so far away that I can forget your very existence."

He sneered, and she realised in horror that she had said too much. She had shown him her fear. She had handed herself to him on a silver plate.

He stood up and walked behind her. Each step echoed through her head, each step made her heart clench tighter. He was standing right behind her. His hand reached down, and for moments, her vision blurred, her mind played tricks on her, she could not tell the difference between today and the _other_ day, steel pressed itself to her skin, and then his hand touched her cheek and the confusion was gone. There was no knife, no darkness outside the window, only his hand stroking her skin.  
She closed her eyes to hide the tears that threatened to fall.

"Are you so sick of me, love?"

Any moment, she was going to throw up, she could feel it. And he still didn't leave her alone.

"All right, love, I am leaving. But remember, they're gonna ask why. And I will answer them. I will tell them that I walked away because I could no longer sleep with a married woman. That you begged me to stay."

"I never did."

"Sure you did. Don't you remember, just a few days ago? _'Please'_ you said. _'Don't go'_ you said."

"Liar."

"Prove it."

"I will. There's a tape. Everyone will know what a bastard you are."

"Tapes can be faked, love."

His lips brushed her cheek and he walked out.  
Rod was already waiting in the outer office. Mackenzie could hear Keaton greet him.

"I'd take care if I were you, Calloway. Sleeping with your wife gives a man much more trouble than it's worth."


	16. Chapter 16

Rod had received quite a few punches in his time. But they had all been nothing, _nothing_ compared to this. With a single breath, with a mere sentence all air had been knocked out of his lungs, he could feel his guts cringe and his fists clench.

His first impulse was to shout LIAR at the top of his lungs, to finally give in to the overwhelming urge to beat the living daylights out of this man. But when he had finally organized his spinning, raging, shouting thoughts enough to do so, Keaton was already gone.  
Truth. How much truth had been in his words? Should he believe him? Should he kill him? Was this the reason Mac had insisted to get him on the team? So that they could continue their affair without raising suspicion?  
He felt rage boiling up inside him once more as he thought of how Mac had behaved lately. It had been because of Keaton. It was because she had trouble with Keaton. Because he had left her. Wasn't that what he had meant to say? Was that why she wouldn't let him touch her? Had last night been out of guilt?

It was all because of Keaton.

"_You will hate me once you find out …"_

No. He didn't hate her. But he was livid, he was fuming, and he wanted answers. Wasn't that why she had asked him over in the first place?

Mac flinched when he slammed the door shut behind him, but he didn't care.

"You promised to explain. Do it. Do it now, and do it well."

And he would be damned before he would let her ashen face and her watery eyes get to him. He would be bloody damned.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

This was not like the other times. They had had difficult conversations before. But this was not like the time when she told him that Jim would be her Chief of Staff. It was not like the time when she had put her foot down after the thing with Congressman Devane either.

Her eyes were wide and desperate, and when you looked close enough they told you that her heart was breaking. But he didn't look. He refused to. Because he half knew what he was going to find, and he feared that his anger wouldn't survive it.

He looked at a spot behind her, every feature of his face thrice heightened by his tense expression. She could practically sense him wait for her to say something. And she wanted to say something, she did, she wanted to tell him everything and break down crying in his arms, just like the other night. But the words got stuck in her throat when she saw him fixing his gaze on the window, his eyes hidden behind a wall of anger and hurt.

"So, Mac, are you going to say that you're sorry?"

She didn't respond, her eyes dropped to the surface of her desk.

"I'm almost glad you're not. It would have been such a bloody cliché."

Still no response. And while he tried with all his might not to look at her, he could not help but to notice that her shoulders had started shaking. She was crying.

"How old are you, Mac? You're not Amy, you can't get off the hook by just shedding some tears."

He was clinging to this; how could she dare to try and run from the consequences?  
Anything to keep his anger alive, anything to make him forget that his wife was sitting in front of him with tears running down her face.  
He was about to continue his rant, to throw all of his anger and frustration and disappointment her way, when he noticed that she had said something.

"What was that?"

"I said I knew that this was exactly what would happen."

"Well, what the hell did you expect, Mackenzie? That you can come to me and say 'Oh, darling, by the way, I'm having an affair with my Vice President whom you absolutely despise' and that I would say it's fine?"

"I'm not having – "

"Oh please, Mac! Don't give me the 'It's not what it looks like' thing. I thought we were trying not to resort to clichés here."

"What if it's not a cliché?"

He snorted. "Oh come on, he admitted the affair himself."

"Of course, why should you believe me instead of him? Why should you even bother to hear what I have to say?"

"To be honest, Mac, there is only one thing I want to hear from you, namely why you did it. And then I'm gonna pack my bags and go on a very long trip I might or might not return from, depending on how good both your reasons and my mood are."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Why should I be?"

He finally looked her in the eye, and what she saw made her loose all hope that things would ever work out. Coldness, and an anger that didn't need to be forcefully kept alive anymore.

"I'm waiting. What is your mind-blowing excuse, the reason that I should fall to my knees in front of you and ask you for forgiveness for every harsh word I ever said to you?"

This was it. She had thought of so many eloquent ways of how to say it, just to avoid the little four-letter word. And they had completely left her.

She made it a point to look him directly in the eye as she finally shared the secret that was no longer a secret with the plainest words that came to her mind.

"It was no affair. It was rape."


	17. Chapter 17

"Stop bugging me, Kelly."

"Oh come on, Charlie. Be a good guy."

"I've always been a good guy. That's why I handed in the story in the first place. But I can't just not publish it."

"'Course you can. It's really easy. See? You take that phone there, call your editor and say that the story turned out to be a non-story."

"Kelly, how many times have I told you that I can't?"

"I stopped counting when we passed the dozen. You never said why you can't."

"I'd loose my job. In fact, I'm only so far away from being fired as it is. My boss was not pleased at all when I told him that I had something big and that I then made this goddamn deal to hold it back until after the VP's resignation."

"But, Charlie, this is the President we're talking about. If you do this and you get fired, you'll have a new job before you can blink."

"Within this administration? And what do I do in two years?"

"Name a newspaper. I'll get you the job."

"Yeah, sure. By using nothing but that adorable smile of yours. I'm serious, Kelly. Stop bugging me. The day after Keaton announces his resignation, the story's gonna be in print."

Charlie was about to walk out of the door when Kelly decided to play her last card.

"Do you really want to destroy her life, Charlie? Could you sleep in peace, knowing what you did to her and her family?"

"It's not like they had an affair and a secret love-child, Kelly. In fact, I'd have more trouble sleeping if I knew he would get away with it. And believe me, once this guy is out of here, he'll spread is very own version of the truth. You're gonna be grateful for every paper that's on your side."

"But still - "

"It's my last word, Kelly. I'm sorry."

And he walked out, leaving her once again with the feeling of having utterly failed to do her job.


	18. Chapter 18

Thoughts were spinning round and round in his head, and each was screaming at his mind and tried to drown the last.

Did she really expect him to believe this?

Was she telling the truth at all, or was she merely trying to get out of trouble by passing blame?

For a moment, he was tempted to believe the latter. It was so much easier. For one thing, the culprit was sitting right in front of him, and for another, it would have been her own fault. It would not mean that it was his fault. It would not mean that he had failed to protect her from harm.

But try as he might to cling to this thought - her tear-filled eyes, her silent sobs at night, when she had thought him to be asleep, the panic his mere kiss had created that night when she had finally admitted that there was something wrong, stood in front of his inner eye, staring him down.

And every tear she had shed, every muffled sob, every accusing glare from his part, every shudder, every flinch, they all came crashing down on him. They all came crashing down on him, and he could feel guilt lie on his shoulders as though it were lead.

He had seen that this man was evil right from the beginning, and yet he had not protected her.

He had seen that something had happened to her, and yet he had shouted at her.

There she sat and tried to show him a brave face, even though the tears were running down her face, each of them burning a hole into his heart. And he had put even more pressure on her. He had made her cry.

"Rod … say something, please …"

He had hurt her, and she was begging him for forgiveness.  
The guilt was suffocating him.  
Her eyes were daggers stabbing his very heart.

He could not stand to look her in the eye. It made him want to die, because there were no words that could ever relieve him from his guilt.

He merely shook his head, turned around and fled, fled from her tearful eyes and the unspoken accusation that lingered in the room.


	19. Chapter 19

For the first time since she knew him, Dickie McDonald was at a loss for words. And while she revelled in having created this effect, Kelly wished that she could have done so by different means.

After several minutes of staring into empty space, swallowing and looking as though he were trying to process the death of his favourite childhood pet, Dickie finally found his voice again.

"Just to prevent any kind of misunderstanding – Kelly, did you just tell me that the President of the United States suffered sexual assault by the hands of her own Vice President?"

"Well, if you put it this way … may I write that phrase down for when I announce it in the press conference? It's kinda more professional-sounding than "rape"."

"Press conference?!?", Dickie spluttered. "You're kidding me, right? Kel, you can't just go and announce this in a press conference. I – I mean, this is a crime we're talking about."

Kelly rolled her eyes.

"How could I forget! And of course, all you have in mind is how we can bring the criminal to justice."

"It's not a good time for being sarcastic, Kelly." He rubbed his eyes. "This is a nightmare."

"Yeah? How about you swap lives with the President? _That_'s a nightmare, Dickie."

"How long until the story's out there?"

Kelly chose to ignore the abrupt change of topic.

"Not long. Charlie said it'll be the day after Keaton resigns, which could be anytime between today and a week."

"We have to attempt a pre-emptive strike. If he goes out and tells his version, he's gonna claim that we were just twisting the facts to save face and get him into trouble. But if we can announce his resignation for this reason before he actually resigns, and give proof for it –"

"I'm not releasing that tape, Dickie."

"Come on, Kelly. The sympathy-factor shouldn't be underestimated. We could get a four-point bump. Let me talk to the President about it."

"You're really disgusting, you now that, Dickie?"

"No. I'm being professional."

She definitely preferred him speechless.


	20. Chapter 20

_Here they are, sitting and standing all around me, and they are shouting louder and louder as they are trying to determine how to best bring the news to the people._

_As if any of it mattered._

_How could it? Nothing matters. What do I care about other people's reactions? I have seen yours, and it spoke volumes. _

_Just a few nights ago you promised that you would never hate me. I believed you, I trusted you. And you ran away. Is this how you keep your promises? _

_They are rhetorically asking me what I think of the whole business every now and then, and I just nod mechanically. Then they argue on. What I think doesn't matter. I am the President. I have other people who think for me._

_Did you lie to me when you said you weren't mad at me?  
Was everything you said nothing but lies?  
If that's how it is, my favourite lie has to be the one in which you told me that you loved me. _

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxox_

Heart pounding, thoughts spinning, the briefing book weighing heavy in her hands.

"Just stick to the notes, Kel. Don't confirm more than you absolutely have to."

She nodded absentmindedly while Dickie walked next to her. They were on their way to the evening press conference, and she felt like she was marching to the gallows.  
They had decided to release the news of the VP's resignation in the evening; that way they could make sure that he couldn't talk to the press before the story was in print.  
It didn't make it any easier.

Before she walked into the press room, Dickie patted her shoulders.  
"Remember, stick to your notes. Nothing can happen if you just stick to them. They can speculate all they want, as long as you don't confirm anything."

For a moment she considered faking an asthma attack to get out of doing the briefing. The bad thing was that she didn't have asthma. Plus, Dickie had already pushed her through the door.

While she walked towards the podium, she muttered under her breath.  
"Once I'm through with this, I'll kill Keaton with my bare hands. I swear I will."

xoxoxoxoxox

"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press.  
First things first: tomorrows schedule will be handed out at the end of the briefing, photo-ops are high-lighted.  
The President has confirmed her decision to veto bill AS2.786.235, I'll have a statement for you by tomorrow morning."

Kelly paused for a moment and thought that by tomorrow morning, no one would be interested in either the veto or the statement.

"And, last but not least, the White House regrets to announce the resignation of Vice President Warren Fitzgerald Keaton. With this I'm opening the floor to your questions."

It was as though all hell had broken loose. Through all the shouting and the sea of frantically waving hands, Kelly could see that Charlie was the only one who didn't have his arm up.

"Gilda!"

"What are the reasons for the Vice President's resignation, Kelly?"

She swallowed. This was it. 'Just stick to the notes, Kelly. Don't say more than you have to …'

"Well, Gilda, as it turned out, General Keaton has sexually assaulted a female member of this administration, and the President has asked for his resignation."

More shouting, more waving hands. Charlie was still silent.

"Louis!"

"Who was the victim?"

Kelly looked to the door, where Dickie made desperate hand-signs that were probably supposed to mean she should keep her mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, Louis, I can't comment on that."

"Does that mean you don't know, Kelly?"

"No, it means I won't comment."

"Come on, who was it?"

"Was it a senior staff member?"

"Was it you, Kelly?"

"No, guys, it definitely wasn't me."

"Will Keaton face legal consequences for his actions, Kelly?" Charlie looked her directly in the eye.

She swallowed. They had been so headless, so desperate to find the best way to break the news that they hadn't even discussed this.

"Well, Charlie, I can't really comment on that yet, but personally I bloody hope that he will. One more question, guys. Denise!"

"Was the assaulted victim the President, Kelly?"

By the way in which Dickie slapped his hand to his forehead, Kelly guessed that her shocked expression had already given away too much of the truth.

"I – I'm sorry, Denise, I really can't comment on speculations. The briefing is over, have a good night!"

While she practically fled from the press room, she could already see Charlie silently hammering onto the keyboard of his notebook.


	21. Chapter 21

Rod hadn't gone back to the Residence that day. Under different circumstances, he probably would have ended up in a bar, getting drunk to forget everything that had happened, and to forget everything that should have happened.  
But because things were as they were, he had to resort to roaming the White House grounds for hours on end, driving his Secret Service Agents almost mad with his restlessness.  
He couldn't go back. He couldn't go back and look his wife in the eye, only to see that he had failed her. There was so little he could do for her these days, and now he had even failed at that.

But hours later, long after the sun had set, he realised that running away was not an option. He was already so very guilty as it was, and if he ran, his guilt would only increase tenfold. There were tough times ahead, and even though he had not been there for her when it had started, he was determined not to leave her side until it ended.

She still needed him. He had seen it. Her eyes had begged him to stay with her.  
He would not run away again. This time, he would be there for her.  
This time, he would hold her hand, no matter what.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

She was in the shower when he came home. For a moment, uncomfortable memories of their first fight resurfaced. She had shut herself into the bathroom that night. He could only imagine how she must have felt.

But tonight was going to be different.

When she came out of the bathroom and spotted him sitting on the bed, her face hardened.  
He stood up and came towards her, his eyes never leaving hers'. He owed her an apology. Not only for running away like a goddamn coward, but for everything. He remembered what he had said earlier. '_What is your mind-blowing excuse, the reason that I should fall to my knees in front of you and ask you for forgiveness for every harsh word I ever said to you?'_ He was sure she remembered it as well.

He didn't know how else to begin, and so he did drop to his knees. It was one of the things you did when words failed you.

But she didn't seem to understand his silent plea for forgiveness, probably didn't want to understand. She simply walked past him.

Very well. He didn't deserve anything better. If she wanted him to beg, he would do it.

"Mac …"

No response.

"Mac, I – I'm sorry."

She finally looked at him. And he wished she wouldn't. Her face was nothing but anger, hurt and disappointment.

"Sorry? For what, Rod?"

"For everything. For believing Keaton's stupid story. For not being there for you. For not protecting you."

"Protecting me?"

God, why did she have to make it so hard?

"Yes. I – I should have watched out for you, I –"

"Rod, I don't need you to protect me. The Secret Service is more than capable of doing that, thank you very much."

Her words were like a slap in the face.

"Well, it doesn't seem like they're capable enough, does it? They couldn't even protect you from your own Vice President!"

"Oh, right, Superman.!" She was shouting. She was shouting at him. "Because you would have seen through him right away!"

"Well, I –"

"Oh, for Heaven's sake, leave me alone, Rod."

He swallowed. Why was it that lately, his apologies made her angrier than what he wanted to apologise for in the first place?

"Mac, please …"

"Just – just leave Rod. The last thing I need right now is to deal with you and your hurt ego."

He stood up. There was nothing to be done here. But before he left the room, he turned around.

"If you need me, I'll be next door."

She had her back turned on him and refused to answer.


	22. Chapter 22

Behind the closed door, Mackenzie told herself that she had been right. She had been right to send him away. He might have come back, but she didn't want him to come back only to relieve his conscience, or because he thought he had some sort of _obligation_.

He had made it very clear that he was repelled by her, and she wasn't going to morally force him to be near her. It would have been degrading. She had vowed that she would never turn into that kind of woman.

And while she hugged his pillow and tried to go to sleep, one single thought went through her mind again and again, as though her head was trying to convince her heart.

'_I was right to send him away … I was right …'_

_xoxoxoxoxoxox_

Breakfast the next day was a tense, silent affair. Mackenzie pointedly refused to look at Rod and occupied herself with rearranging her breakfast on her plate. The eggs a bit to the left, the bacon further up, the toast into the middle. Not a single bite had made its way into her mouth. Rod was still looking at her like a little puppy that had been kicked and couldn't understand why. But she just didn't have the strength to deal with him. Not now. She needed to focus on her work. She needed to gather her strength for the fight with Keaton that was bound to start today.

She also needed to prepare her family.  
And that was the worst of it.

After she had created a smiley face with her eggs, artfully arranged on the toast, she sighed and decided to get it over with.

"Listen, kids, I had to fire General Keaton yesterday, and there are bound to be countless interviews on TV. From what we can tell, it'll get ugly. But, no matter what he's gonna say about us, about me, about the administration, he's lying. Do you get me? I don't want you to watch his interviews on television, and I don't want you to listen to what your friends at school might have to say about the whole thing. Don't get into fights, and don't be upset about it."

"What will he say, mommy?"

"Oh, Amy, baby, that's not important. I want you to know that. Whatever he says, it doesn't matter."

"Ok, mommy."

Mackenzie was glad that Horace and Becca didn't ask any questions. She was not sure she could stomach lying to her children like that more than once.


	23. Chapter 23

Mackenzie had sometimes wondered how a soldier felt before he marched into battle. Now, as she walked towards the West Wing, she couldn't suppress the thought that this day might give her an impression.

The grim faces with which senior staff was awaiting her in the Oval made her think that maybe she should go back and put on some war paint. A short exchange of looks between Jim and Kelly, the kind of silent communication they had all gotten way too good at, and Jim began to speak in a soft, gentle manner.

"Ma'am, he's giving an interview for 'The War Room'."

She briefly considered several ways of reacting and settled for 'cranky and incredibly busy POTUS'.

"And?"

"He's giving it as we speak."

"So what, Jim? Do you want me to have the studio bombed into the ground, including everyone who's in it? Believe me, I've repeatedly dreamed of it, but I don't think the people would perceive it as a good way to deal with the whole thing."

"With due respect, Madam President, _how_ do you want to deal with it?"

"I was thinking about not at all, but the look on Kelly's and Dickie's face tells me that they don't like that idea very much."

Kelly hadn't said anything yet, and it was obvious that she was scraping all her considerable, battle-tested, facing-the-unpleasant Press-Secretary courage together to suggest what they should do next. The bad thing was, what she was about to suggest was not what the President wanted to hear, and they all knew it.

"Ma'am, I really – I think we should watch the interview, now, and then we should come up with a strategy to …"

She trailed off. What did they want to do? Go out there, send their people to the same goddamn talk shows Keaton was touring now, and have them say that what their former Vice President had told them was a bunch of stupid bullshit?  
But still, the devil you knew was better than the devil you didn't. Surely the President saw that as well.

Apparently she did, for it might be with an incredibly unwilling face that she turned on the TV, but turn it on she did.

And right on cue, there he was, a grin that they would have called self-confident a few weeks ago, and that only seemed arrogant now, plastered onto his face. He was showing the nation a man who did not have a care in the world, and who – though he had just lost his job and been accused of a major crime – didn't seem to have anything on his conscience he should feel guilty for.

"_General Keaton, thank you for joining us today."_

"_My pleasure, Gordon."_

"_So, General, there has been quite a bit of turmoil around you since yesterday. What do you have to say about the Administration's accusation that you had, ah, 'assaulted' a female staff member?"_

"_Well, depending on how you define both 'assault' and 'staff member', that's right in essentials."_

"I'm gonna break his ugly old neck!"

"No, Jim, you won't. I have no intention to hire a new Chief of Staff, and I don't exactly feel like visiting you in prison."

"Very well, Ma'am." But he still looked seething.

"_Would you care to clarify?"_

"_Well, if she repeatedly asked, or rather begged me to sleep with her, I'd hardly call it an assault. Would you?"_

"Jim."

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"I changed my mind about that neck-breaking suggestion."

"_Um, General, how does it come then that the White House openly accuses you of rape?"_

"_I think we all remember the scandal Clinton's affair with that intern caused. They are trying to make themselves look good by making me look bad. But the truth is, the administration is too weak to survive the scandal that the President had an affair with her VP."_

Dickie looked like he was ready to kill. The big vein on his forehead was pulsing at an alarming rate.

"_You mean …?"_

"_I do, Gordon, I do. And believe me, I wasn't the only one. In fact, I'd be rather surprised if the only males in the White House she didn't sleep with weren't her husband and her gay special assistant – though I wouldn't guarantee for the latter."_

"_I must say, General, I find the whole situation rather surreal. These are very serious accusations. Are you sure you should be talking about this on national television?"_

"_I would have kept my silence if she had been willing to change things, but she wasn't."_

"_What exactly do you mean by that, General?"_

"_The woman is married, for God's sake! I wanted her to leave her husband. I wanted her to come and live with me once her term was over. But as it turned out, I saw more in this affair than she did." _

"The little bastard!"

"_And what exactly did you see in it?"_

"_Everything._ _I laid half the world to her feet. But as it turned out, it was the half she didn't like. I couldn't go on like that, and so I walked away."_

"_But if you saw that much in her, why do you risk national uproar and expose her like this?"_

"_Because the country deserves to know what kind of person is sitting in the Oval Office."_

Outside the Oval, phones stared ringing. First one, then several, until it was even more like a madhouse than on other days.

The President had gone silent, and Jim was rather worried when he noticed how pale she was.

"Ma'am? Is everything alright?"

"Of course, Jim. Now if you would excuse me for a second, I think I'm going to be sick."


	24. Chapter 24

The rest of the day had gone by in a daze. Of course, none of them had gotten any work done, and because she did not want to think about what they had dealt with instead, Mackenzie decided to be angry about nothing but this day of inefficiency. It was so much easier than thinking about the questions Kelly had gotten in her briefings, than looking at the radical Christian protestors outside the window who demanded her immediate resignation, than thinking of the way Dickie had looked at her; as though she had plotted this for no reason but to give him a hard time. It was easier than imagining the looks on her children's faces, for surely they had heard their fair share of remarks today.

By the time she reached the Residence, she was greeted by – no one. She was torn between disappointment and relief, and firmly told herself that what was settling down on her like a thick, heavy blanket was utmost relief that she would not have to be confronted with any more accusations, insults and expressions of pity, fake or – even worse – sincere.

She still said this to herself while she checked on an already sleeping Amy and then knocked on Becca's door. Her oldest daughter didn't answer, but she just couldn't bring herself to leave. Becca was always so bothered by the spotlight, and she felt guilty for having given her an extra hard time today, despite knowing it was not really her fault.

"Becca?"

Still no answer.

"Becca, may I come in?"

For several moments, there was silence, and Mackenzie was already about to leave when she heard footsteps on the other side of the door.  
Becca opened and looked at her, but she could not really tell how; whether it was in anger or sadness.

"Since when do you ask whether you can come in? Usually it's just knocking and running in."

At first Mackenzie was taken aback, thinking her daughter did not want her in her room, wanted her out of her life altogether. But then she noticed that the corner of Becca's mouth was twitching up, and already the door opened fully and Becca motioned for her to come in.

"How was dinner?"

Becca closed the door.

"Ok. Amy was sad that you couldn't make it."

She sat down on Becca's bed and let her fingers wander over the soft blanket, the structure of the fabric something she could hold on to, something she could make her thoughts cling to so that they would not wander off to where she did not want them to go.

"Yeah, well, I guess you can imagine that hell has broken loose in the office."

Becca didn't reply to that, she sat down on a chair on the other side of the room.

"Aren't you going to ask how school was?"

Her daughter didn't wait for her answer.

"Horace got into a fight."

Mackenzie closed her eyes and sighed. This was just what she had feared would happen: that her family would be hurt. And that she couldn't protect them.

"What happened?"

Becca uttered a sad little sound that was probably supposed to be a laugh.

"Someone called you a whore. He gave the guy a black eye before Secret Service could split them up."

"Did he get hurt?"

Becca shook her head. "Only his pride."

"Have … have you seen the interview?"

"It's all over TV, mom. There's no way anyone could miss it."

"Did Amy see it?"

"We let her watch DVDs after she was done with her homework. The kids in her school didn't know anything yet."

At least one thing that hadn't gone twice as bad as anyone could have imagined.

"And you, Becca? Did you see it?"

"Yes."

Mackenzie hesitated. She did not really want to ask on, but something pulled the words out of her mouth before she could do anything about it.

"And?"

"I don't know."

She tried to catch Becca's eye, but the girl quickly turned around and started playing with the mouse of her laptop.

"Do you believe him?"

Becca didn't react right away. It seemed like she had to think about it herself, as though she had avoided thinking about whether the accusations were rightful just as much as her mother had tried to avoid thinking about anything that might have happened to her kids today.

"I don't know, mom. I honestly don't know." She turned back around and was now looking her mother in the eye. "You tell me. Can I believe him?"

Becca's eyes were boring themselves into hers, holding her captive until the truth was out and left her naked and unprotected.

"Becca, did you see Kelly's press conference?"

She nodded. "It was you, wasn't it?"

Now that it was out, she felt that she could pull herself out of Becca's gaze. It had happened again, had been happening all day. As soon as she knew that another person knew, she could not stand looking at them, she felt that the other was mentally pointing fingers at her. All day, they had been whispering behind her back, she just knew it. And all day she had been out in the spotlight, when in reality all she wanted was to hide in a dark, lonely hole and never come out again.

"You know, mom, I have a weird feeling of _déjà vu_. Do you remember that thing with Mike? Now you're me. They're telling lies about you, and even though you know that it's just stupid talking, it hurts you. And now I can give you that piece of advice back. Do the right thing, mom. Keep going."

Becca stood up and walked over to the bed, where she sat down next to her mother and hugged her close.

"Keep going, mom. Don't let that asshole bring you down."


	25. Chapter 25

Meanwhile, on the other side of Washington, another talk was taking place, and it did not have anything of the loving, encouraging effect of the first one on either of the two participants. The atmosphere was tense, heated almost to the boiling point, and neither one backed down, it was as though they were waiting for the escalation.

"Did you really swallow that pitiful heap of shit she sold you, Nate?"

"She sold it pretty convincing, _General._ I don't think I paid too much for it."

"Do you now? What about that deal back at the confirmation hearings? I don't remember giving you any reason to break it."

"And I don't recall extending it to a scenario in which you turn into a criminal."

"You did buy her story! What did she do, squeeze a tear out of those huge brown eyes of hers? Have you join her huge circle of sexual entertainers?"

"I find this kind of talk disgusting, General. What she told me and what I chose to believe is absolutely none of your business."

"Disgusting, eh? And since when are you the official protector of the high road?"

"I'm warning you, General. Don't mess with me. I might have a higher back-stabbing-tolerance than she does, but that doesn't mean I am willing to play along with everything."

"So you're going to be on her side in this? Come on!"

"No, General, I will be on nobody's side. I feel no desire to get involved. But if I am forced to choose a side, then yes, I will choose hers. I want to beat her in a moment of strength, not like this. I want her to die on a hill that _I_ chose."

"Then we have nothing to say to each other."

"Indeed we don't, General. I suggest you leave my office and never come back again."

Once the door closed behind the former Vice President, the Speaker leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and enjoying the subtle scent of the old leather for a short moment.

"_The truth, Mr Speaker? What makes you think that what I'm about to tell you us the truth, and not what I want you to believe?"_

_He chuckled. She was incorrigible, and he liked that. It made her a worthy opponent. _

"_I trust your absolute and almost self-destructive need to be honest and truthful even when it is to your own disadvantage, Madame President. In fact, that is one of the very few things in this town I rely on. At least more than on the weather report."_

_She shook her head and shared his smile for a few seconds. _

"_Are you sure you want to know this? You can still have the Vice Presidency, you know."_

"_I have no desire for it, Ma'am. The truth, on the other hand, is always a desirable good."_

_She sighed._

"_Well, Nathan, it seems like I'm trapped then."_

"_It certainly does Ma'am. I suggest you just spit it out. What did he do? Drugs? Prostitutes? A coup d'état?" He chuckled at his own joke, a bad habit that every powerful person seemed to develop over time and that he had despised and sworn he would never do back when he was young, but he soon stopped when he noticed that she hadn't joined him. She hadn't even cracked a half-smile out of politeness. _

"_Ma'am? Is everything alright?"_

_She shook her head._

"_Of course not. Nothing's right. It's not right that I tell you before anyone from my family knows. It's not right that I have to blackmail him into keeping his silence over something he should never have done. It's not right that it's gonna be dragged out in the open just because of who I am."_

"_What should he never have done, Ma'am?"_

_She was shaking her head, probably mentally berating herself for having made this deal, or maybe frowning upon the whole situation, he could not really tell._

"_He should never have put a knife to my throat to keep me silent while he raped me right here on my desk."_

_He could feel his jaw drop. She had to be kidding him. _


	26. Chapter 26

It wasn't so much that Kelly minded spending time with Dickie. He had become a lot more silent, usually brooding over long lists of numbers no one but him understood and uttering a deep sigh every now and then.  
It wasn't that she minded working endless hours – oh well, screw that, she did.  
But she absolutely despised the big hairy monster that her job had turned into lately. In each press conference, she was being eaten alive. On one side where the few journalists who believed the White House's version of the story – or had been instructed to believe it, rather, and who were bombarding her with questions concerning the President's plans to take legal steps. Not that they had spent any time thinking about that.  
On the other side were those who believed Keaton and who were demanding proof of the White House's story. But the President had refused to release the tape, despite all the talking Dickie – and lately, after several Press Conferences, Kelly – had invested.

"Ma'am, it really is necessary to do something about the matter. The reporters do have a point, you know. You can't go out there and make as serious an accusation as this without proving it."

"What Dickie means to say, Ma'am", Kelly jumped in, for the President looked ready to skin Dickie alive for bringing up the _res non grata _again, "What he means to say is that even if you are not willing to release the – the obvious evidence, you should at least undergo a medical check-up to make sure that you did not catch any diseases or … well, the like."

The President raised her eyebrows. "Or the like, huh?"

Kelly swallowed. Not good. Not good at all. A quick glance at Dickie's face, however, encouraged her. "Well, yes, Ma'am. It's the best way to give the story credibility … We all know that wild affairs and sex scandals sell better than real …" She trailed off.

"And besides, it's the only responsible thing to do, Madame President.", Dickie chimed in, sensing that they were finally getting somewhere.

Mac looked from one to the other and sighed. "You two won't shut up before I do this, right?"

They nodded.

"Very well then. Kelly, let's get it over with as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Madame President. I will have Vince make an appointment."

When the door closed behind the two of them, Mac began to wonder what Kelly had been about to say before Dickie had interrupted her. Sex sells better than real what? Real scandals? Real crimes? Real pain? And she realised that ever since it had started, not one single person had asked her how she felt.


	27. Chapter 27

Rod was busy planning the meals for the next week, about the only thing he still seemed to be good enough to do, when a silent cough at the door made him look up. Dickie was standing there, his usual folder of polling data pressed to his chest as though it were his first-born son, which struck him as odd. Dickie was usually very concerned about a relaxed, self-confident behaviour and apperarance.

"Is something the matter, Dickie?"

The young man cleared his throat, obviously not knowing how to start. He was acting totally out of character.

"Come on, spit it out. It can't be that bad. Did our numbers with the whale-protectors drop a point after the speech I made last week?"

"Well, Sir, this is kind of awkward. I, um, I came here to ask you to accompany your wife to the hospital."

Rod was about to shoot up. "Hospital? Is something wrong with her? Dickie, what -?"

"Don't worry, Sir. Kelly and I finally managed to convince her to get a medical check-up, and from a PR-standpoint it would be good if you would go with her."

Rod sank back into his chair, and his momentary relief was soon replaced by disappointed anger. _From a PR-standpoint?!?!_ Who did she think she was?

"And she sent you here to tell me that she would like me to come so the reporters could see me?" _She couldn't even tell me herself?_

Dickie suddenly seemed very interested in the tip of his shoe.

"She didn't send me here, Sir. She didn't mention it. But I think it's very important to show the public that she has your support. We can't have it look like you are holding something against her. That would be like adding fuel to Keaton's fire."

Rod flinched at Keaton's name, and he could feel his fists clenching as though he were about to punch someone.

"And she doesn't mind you staging this whole act of 'I'm there for you, honey'? I find this kind of hard to believe."

Dickie laughed. It was a sad little sound.

"Funny. I always thought that at least _you_ knew what my job was all about. Being the one who brought me on the team and all."

"Well. Dickie, what is your job all about? Isn't it about protecting her?"

"That's only a part of the truth, Sir. My job is to protect parts of her. Her image. Her reputation. Her popularity. It's not about protecting her feelings or organising everything in a way she is comfortable with. That's not what my job is. My job is to sell her, and to get the highest price possible, even though she doesn't like it in the least. That makes my job a little more demanding. I have to sell her without her noticing.  
So, Sir, will you raise the price and come along?"

Rod rubbed his face with his palm and nodded. At least something he was good for, even though _she _did not seem to see it that way.


	28. Chapter 28

He caught up with her right before she stepped out of the door to get to the motorcade. For a moment, she seemed surprised and even angered to see him. But then the first cameras started clicking, and she took his hand and switched on her smile, perfect politician through and through. It gave his heart a little stab to see that she was only walking next to him while there were cameras there, and to know that she would let go of his hand as soon as they were inside the car.

What was he doing here? She had not asked him to come. She had not intended to make this a big deal. Now that he was here with her, the number of pictures would increase tenfold. And really, the cameras went off as soon as they stepped outside. It was like a sea of flashes, and for a split-second, she did not know where to turn, where to go. It was more by instinct than by decision that she reached over and took his hand; years and years of habit too strong to be ignored. She held on to him as though he were her anchor and let him take her to the safe, dark, silent haven of the car.  
Once inside, she kept holding on to his hand, and she noted with quiet amusement that it seemed to surprise him. But the truth was, she was truly grateful that he was here with her, even though she did not even want to admit it to herself. She turned her head to look out of the window and locked her eyes onto the unavoidable police cop on his motorbike on the other side of the tanned window.  
"So, you're coming, huh?"

"Yeah. Um, Dickie thought that, ah, it might be a good idea."

Her head shot around, and her hand let go of his' as though she had been holding a rattlesnake. He immediately regretted his words.

"Dickie thought that it's a good idea.", she echoed. "Why, Rod, it sure is heart-warming to see how much you care."

He bit his lip for a moment, thinking about what to say, and found nothing that wouldn't just make it worse.  
They continued the ride in silence, and when they got out of the car at the hospital, she did not grip his hand again. Remembering why he was there in the first place, he lightly put his hand to the small of her back, walking half a pace behind her like a good First Gentleman should, and smiled at the new horde of reporters, his face every bit as fake and forced as hers.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Ok. I admit it. I have no idea how these tests work and how long it takes to get results back. So I took my right as a writer and decided to bend it in a way that fits the story best. I sincerely apologize to all those people who are way smarter and way way more educated than I.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Inside, their steps were echoing from the walls, thrown back a thousand times through the empty corridor before they hit the ear. A sound just as hollow as she felt. She seemed to walk on forever, caught in yet another one of her never-ending hellish nightmares, until suddenly someone touched her by the arm to direct her into the exam room.

It was a light room, meant to ease worries away and to silence fears. The smile on the doctor's face seemed to have the same intentions while he went through a lengthy explanation of the tests they would be running.  
"Just to make sure", he would add every so often, and "I assure you that this is absolute routine", and while she listened absentmindedly, Mac idly wondered why his smile did not falter as the list of potential diseases grew longer and longer, when Rod's face grew harder and more furious with every word that was spoken.  
For a second she was surprised that he would become so agitated, but then she remembered the one night they had spent together, the day before he had left her bed and had not come back. Every one of these diseases posed a threat to him as well.

"… Syphilis, Chlamydia …"

Another one. Another one, and yet another. Another thing Keaton might have done to his wife, as if he hadn't already done enough as it was. The whole extent of it had not been clear to him, but now, it grew more obvious with every word that was spoken.  
_Routine_, that was what they called it. To Rod, it was yet another reason to kill Keaton in a slow and painful way.

"And, last but not least, we'll run a pregnancy test. Routine."

The doctor had his eyes fixed on his clipboard, and so he did not see the shocked looks the First Couple exchanged. The thought had not even crossed their minds. Mac swallowed uneasily and suppressed the urge to reach for Rod's hand again. What if -?

While the doctor began to draw tube after tube of blood out of Mac's arm, Rod stepped behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Not only did she have a completely unreasonable horror of needles, but that look had been in her eyes again. The look that said what she would never say out loud: she was scared, and she needed him by her side.  
And just as he had not run this time, she did not push him away, but covered his hand with her own.

xoxox

They rode back home in silence, their hands still firmly clasped together, as though they wanted to make up for the time they had spent apart. They both knew that there were several reasons why they did not speak despite the obvious need for many things to be said. For one thing, they were both busy playing all the horrible scenarios they had just seen over in their minds. A body man who was HIV positive was one thing, but a President? And what if that "routine" pregnancy test came back positive? What if she had Syphilis? What if?  
They also knew that the new, delicate bond they had found did not yet have the strength to face all the things that had gone wrong, to face the questions, the accusations and the feeling that they both had let the other down.  
They had not talked for so long, they had used their silence as both protection and weapon, but now, they were silent together.

xoxox

Due to the importance that the rest results became known as soon as possible, the hospital had declared them the lab's top priority and promised a phone call towards the end of the working day.  
As the afternoon grew later, Mac became increasingly jumpy, and every time Vince's phone rang, she prepared herself to hear the worst – even though she had not yet decided what precisely was the worst.

Around eight (was is possible that hospitals had a similar definition of "the end of the working day" as the White House?), Rod came into the Office to pick her up for dinner, a questioning look on his face. She shook her head. "Nothing yet. Perhaps it's so bad that they don't dare call because I'd ship them off to prison with a one-way ticket." They shared a half-hearted smile that did an expectably poor job disguising their worry.

Just then, the phone in the outer office rang again, and Vince put his head through the door.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. It's Bethesda. Shall I put the call through?"

Mac nodded, closed her eyes for a short moment and picked the phone up.

"Madam President, this is Dr Jennings. We received your results a few minutes ago, and all tests but one came back negative."


	30. Chapter 30

Mac didn't need to look up from her file to know that the Press Secretary had a look of humble pride on her face. She could tell from the way in which her steps had approached; fast, self-confident, yet silent. She smiled to herself: things seemed to be going upwards at last.

"So, Kelly, how did they take it?"

"Not all that bad, Ma'am, although I daresay that some were quite disappointed that you're not pregnant, considering how often I had to debunk that particular rumour today."

Mac finally looked up and shared a smile with her Press Secretary, Kelly's amused, her own full of relief.

"Well, I think we can forgive them for hoping for it. Their sale numbers would have shot through the roof. But I'd say they didn't come out of the deal any worse than they entered it."

"Oh, they certainly didn't, Ma'am."

"_And now, Ladies and Gents, the thing we have all been waiting for.  
What I have here is a statement from Dr Mathew Jennings at Bethesda, who was in charge of the physical the President underwent yesterday.  
Dr Jennings is happy to announce that the majority of the tests taken came back negative, among them tests for Pregnancy, HIV, Syphilis and many other pretty things. A full list will be handed out later, though I hope you guys will do your readers a favour and place it in the bin as soon as possible.  
The President does, however, suffer from an infection with Chlamydia, which is a form of bacteria belonging to the family Chlamydiaceae. Symptoms may include abdominal pain or an infection of the eyes which, untreated, will lead to blindness. Just in case you're interested, Chlamydia is the most common reason for curable blindness in many African states."_

_Kelly made a short pause to breathe, and immediately the hands were up in the air, and the "Kelly"-shouts grew louder and louder._

"_Come on, guys, give me a minute to finish the statement, and I will answer your questions.  
As I said, these can be symptoms. A great percentage of those who are infected, however, never show any symptoms, and about half of them do not even know about the infection.  
When diagnosed on time, Chlamydia can be treated effectively by using antibiotics like Tetracycline or Ciprofloxacin.  
And now, because I am tired of saying long and complicated words, I will open the floor to your questions. Charlie!"_

"_So we can expect a full recovery?"_

_Kelly smiled. Good old Charlie. _

"_Yes, Charlie. As I said, if detected timely, the treatment is not only successful but also fast. Steve!"_

"_How can we know the President did not catch the disease from her husband or, well, someone else?"_

_Kelly made a mental note to call on Steve last for the next two weeks._

"_As the last regular physical showed, the President was clean then, and the medical record of Mr Calloway shows that he did not suffer from any sexually transmitted diseases either. And as for the other possibility, yes, she definitely got it from General Keaton, for crying out loud. Why do you think we're going through this whole procedure? But think – if it really were as the General said, would he not have made sure to use protection to avoid an unwanted pregnancy? Common sense will answer your question, Steve. Gilda!"_

"_So if there was no protection, Kelly, does that mean that a pregnancy … ?"_

"_No, Gilda, it doesn't. The test was negative, and both the President and her family are very grateful for that. Sarah!" _

"_Did the President mention any intention to press charges against General Keaton?"_

"_None that I'm aware of, but I'm sure the topic will be brought up sooner or later. And now, much as I appreciate your interest and concern, let's not forget that the White House is a big building with many people in it, and that we actually did get some work done. So, anyone got a question about that? Louise!"_

"_So there definitely is no pregnancy?"_

_Kelly desperately wanted to bang her head on her podium. This was going to be one long Press Conference. _


	31. Chapter 31

She would come home late tonight, he had known it the moment he had seen the hordes of staffers run into her office after the morning-briefing. Rod had originally come to the West Wing to ask how the briefing had gone, how the press had taken this new piece of personal information that they would then cruelly turn into another public spectacle.  
But the moment Dickie had stormed into the Oval, carrying several stacks of paper and a serious, energetic expression, he had known that there was not a chance in hell he would get to see his wife today. He then briefly considered asking one of the lower staff members about the briefing, but after being shoved aside with a hasty "Excuse me, Sir" even by the aide of the assistant of …, he gave up on that as well and turned to spend some time listening to Nora while she fussed about this and that and the colour of the new curtains in the Vermeil Room.

xox

Her head was still spinning with all the facts and numbers and statistics she had heard today. It was, in fact, spinning so much that her way up the stairs bore a slight resemblance to a drunkard's way home. Kelly's remark about pressing charges had unleashed an avalanche, and the White House's legal experts had been on an importance-high all day as they had talked to her about their chances of winning, about strategies, about whom to hire and what evidence to present. All in all, the good beginning of the day had soon become a distant memory, and now all she wanted was to fall dead asleep.

On her way up she met Horace, who had apparently gone to the kitchen for a glass of milk and the inevitable cookie. She smiled and winked at him, but as soon as he spotted her, his eyes dropped to the ground and he hurried past her, slamming his door shut behind him.  
She felt her shoulders drop.  
Ever since he had gotten into this fight at school after Keaton's resignation, he had been like this. He had gone out of his way to avoid her. He had skipped meals, excusing himself with homework. As far as she knew, he hadn't talked to Becca or Rod either. Her own son was ashamed of her, of looking her in the eye.  
And her daughters? Becca tried to face everything with her head held high, an attitude Mac admired her immensely for, but she could see that her determination was beginning to crumble.  
Amy hadn't suffered the consequences quite as much as the twins at first, but when the first kids had started to avoid her and to call her names Mac did not even want to repeat in her mind, she had right-out refused to go to school again. Mac cringed as she remembered the slouched, sobbing form of her youngest just the other morning. The fight was taking place every morning, and at first they had still managed to convince her to go. But yesterday, Secret Service had been forced to taker her home after an ugly scene involving protesting parents on the school yard. They had let Amy sleep in this morning.

All thoughts about legal consequences and political tactics that had been presented to her as oh-so important during the day vanished as she realised that she had not spent a single second dealing with the worst consequences of all.

With those affecting her family.

With new determination, she continued her way up the stairs. If she could get into battle-mode down in the office, she would be damned if she could not face the problems up in the Residence as well.

She did not even check whether Rod was already asleep when she entered their bedroom, which he had finally returned to on a sort of we-will-talk-about-it cease-fire base.

"Rod!"

He mumbled something inaudible, obviously either already half-asleep or only just half-awake. She didn't care. They had left their problems unsolved for far too long.

"Rod, wake up! We need to talk."

"Now?"

"No, Rod, a very long time ago. Now get a move on!"


	32. Chapter 32

They sat in opposite armchairs, looking at each other for quite a long time. She gave frequent sighs, he ever so often rubbed his eyes to try and get the sleep out of them.

"You know – ", they started, at the same time.

They fell silent again, and after a while he whispered, "If we'd done the 'You first' thing too, I'd have smacked you."

She gave a small smile. "I was going to say I'm not very good at this kind of talk."

"Actually, love, you're horrible at it. But that's ok. I hope you won't mind my not making a funny comment at this, I need to get my mind working first."

"Rod, the kids won't look at me."

He stopped rubbing his face and gave her a sharp look. "What do you mean? I can't recall a time when it was so hard to drag Becca from your side."

"I'm talking about Amy not daring to go back to school because she is ashamed of her mother. I'm talking about our son being too embarrassed to be in the same room with me. We have to straighten this out, Rod, and I'm not talking about downstairs. That we can fix, and if we can't, I'm gonna live with it for a restricted period of time. But this is our family. I can't bear the thought of it breaking apart over this!"

For a second, Rod seemed torn between bitterness and sympathy.

"Mac, I know I messed up in the beginning. We both did, there's no denying that. And even under the best of circumstances it would be hard to heal the damage that was caused. But our dear friend rubbing salt into the wounds on national television, on a daily basis, is not making things any easier."

Like she didn't know. Like anyone didn't know. The scene kept replaying in her mind, sharper than reality; her son walking out on her, sparing her no more than a short glance that voiced his contempt louder than words.

"I tried to have his mouth shut, you know." She sought his eye, and tried to tell him without speaking that she had been trying, that things were getting over her head, and that she couldn't handle another front in this war.

"Seems the snipers have missed their target. I knew there was something wrong with that cut on the budget." He grinned, and for the first time in days, the smile reached his eyes.

She laughed, shortly and bitterly, but utterly relieved all the same; relieved that he understood, and that they were getting back into the usual way of things, slowly, so agonizingly slow, but back nonetheless.

"You think I could get away with it?"

"I don't know, kiddo", he replied, his cocky grin broken by a yawn, "but I suggest we try that option tomorrow."

And he took her by the hand, and led her to their room, to the room they shared again, and there she fell asleep tightly wrapped in his arms, between them only the promise of tomorrow, and of that glorious little word, "we".


	33. Chapter 33

She was sitting in the office, waiting, and with each passing second the rage inside her was rising.  
The last few days had been good, both upstairs and downstairs; conversations had been held, progress made, and slowly, wounds had started to heal.

And then Keaton had crossed the last line that had been left to cross.

Behind her, Rod was pacing, because this time she had insisted he be present when she gave Keaton a serious piece of her mind.

"Stop that, Rod, would you?"

He stood still, rubbing his face with his hand in exasperation, and started drumming his fingers on the small table next to where he was standing.

She sighed, turned her chair around and snapped, "Oh for heaven's sake, keep walking, then. You're making me crazy!"

_Rod stormed into the breakfast room, his face alive with anger, his chest puffing. Mac nodded to him over the rim of her cup and returned her attention to the paper in front of her.  
Rod stared at her, his expression incredulous.  
"How can you be so calm about this?"  
"About what, honey?"_

_He shook his head and then looked her straight in the face. "Do you know what he said today?"_

_Mac shook her head, and felt bile rising. This sentence had never been followed by good news in the past. "I didn't even know he was going to fire another round today."_

_Rod's face twisted into a horrible grimace. __"Well, that's an adequate way to put it. You remember last week, when he suggested you were getting Congressional votes through what he so kindly called 'personal favours'?"_

_She nodded, and somewhere in the distance, she felt her whole body go numb. _

"_Well, last night, he saw it as his duty as a citizen of this country to inform the public you were encouraging your underage daughter to do the same thing."_

_Her body was no longer numb now. Something had snapped inside her mind, and before she knew it, she was up in Rod's face._

"_He did what?! And you, you're just sitting here, just, sitting? And no one, no one! – has considered it necessary to tell me? Rod, what the hell – ?"_

_He took a step back. "What do you mean they didn't tell you? You honestly didn't know about this before?"  
"I didn't, and someone is going to get a whupping for it, but for now, get him over here. I'm going to kick his mouldy ass."_

They hadn't told her because they 'didn't think it deserved to show up on her radar'. This claim was, after all, so 'ridiculously incredible' that no one was going to believe it in the first place.  
Like that mattered. No one talked about her children that way. No one.

The door opened, and the monster strolled in, that shit-eating grin still firmly in place.

He gave Rod a nod.

"Got yourself some backup, pet?"

"Cut the crap, Keaton. What the hell were you thinking saying those things about my daughter? Who do you think is going to believe you?"

He sneered.

"Doesn't matter, does it? Gets me another day of the news cycle, doesn't it?"

"Well, Keaton, you're going to get more news cycles than you'll be able to swallow, and the last one will end with you going to prison with a one-way ticket. Don't think you can lie yourself out of this one."

"Is that all, pet?"

He met her stony glare with a good-natured grin and sauntered out of the door like he didn't have a care in the world.


	34. Chapter 34

_The car pulls away from the White House, and I can't help but to notice the glorious autumn sunshine. I really must go for a walk later._

_There's a song on the radio that I used to love, and I ask the driver to turn up the volume._

_The streets are speeding past the window, and soon we leave the city._

_I lean back and close my eyes, and for a second I allow myself to smile, softly and genuinely. _

_She's falling apart, and she won't survive the scandal. She won't want to. This fight will drain her so that there won't be anything left. I have won. Is that no reason to smile?_

_The driver is shouting something. _

_My eyes snap open, and I can see a family of ducks crossing the street in front of us._

_He's pulling at the steering wheel, and all I can see is that tree coming towards us at rapid speed._

_Right before we crash, I think back to all the battles I have seen and survived, and I spend my last second laughing out loud at the fact that I should really die over something as insignificant as this._

_And then, everything is silent, except for sirens starting to howl, and the radio blurting out the last tunes of the once-loved song._


End file.
